CHAPTER ONE————Theological Foundations of Family WorshipEvery church desires growth. Surprisingly few churches, however, seek to promote internal church growth by stressing the need toraise children in covenantal truth. Few seriously grapple with whymany adolescents become nominal members with mere notionalfaith or abandon evangelical truth for unbiblical doctrine and modesof worship. I believe one major reason for this failure is the lack of stressupon family worship. In many churches and homes family worshipis an optional thing, or at most a superficial exercise such as a brieftable grace before meals. Consequently, many children grow upwith no experience or impression of Christian faith and worship asa daily reality. When my parents commemorated their fiftieth an-niversary, all five of us children decided to express thanks to our fa-ther and mother for one thing without consulting each other. Remarkably, all five of us thanked our mother for her prayers and allfive of us thanked our father for his leadership of our Sundayevening family worship. My brother said, “Dad, the oldest memoryI have is of tears streaming down your face as you taught us fromPilgrim’s Progress on Sunday evenings how the Holy Spirit leads be-lievers. At the age of three God used you in family worship to con-vict me that Christianity was real. No matter how far I went astrayin later years, I could never seriously question the reality of Chris-tianity, and I want to thank you for that.”Would we see revival among our children? Let us remember thatGod often uses the restoration of family worship to usher in churchrevival. For example, the 1677 church covenant of the Puritan con-gregation in Dorchester, Massachusetts, included the commitment“to reform our families, engaging ourselves to a conscientious care toset before us and to maintain the worship of God in them; and towalk in our houses with perfect hearts in a faithful discharge of alldomestic duties, educating, instructing, and charging our childrenand households to keep the ways of the Lord.”13As goes the home, so goes the church, so goes the nation. Fam-ily worship is a most decisive factor in how the home goes. Family worship is not the only factor, of course. Family worshipis not a substitute for other parental duties. Family worship withoutparental example is futile. Spontaneous teaching that arisesthroughout a typical day is crucial, yet set times of family worshipare also important. Family worship is the foundation of biblicalchild-rearing. In this booklet, we will examine family worship under fiveheadings: (1) theological foundations, (2) duty; (3) implementa-tion; (4) objections; (5) motivation. The theological foundations of family worship are rooted in the verybeing of God. The apostle John tells us that God’s love is inseparablefrom His triune life. God’s love is outgoing and overflowing. Itshares its blessedness from one Person of the Trinity to the others. God has never been a solitary individual lacking something in Him-self. The fullness of light and love is eternally shared among the Fa-ther, Son, and Spirit. The majestic triune God didn’t model Himself after our families; rather, He modeled the earthly concept of family after Himself. Ourfamily life faintly reflects the life of the Holy Trinity. That’s why Paulspeaks of “the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, of whom the familyin heaven and earth is named” (Eph. 3:14-15). The love among thepersons of the Trinity was so great from eternity that the Father de-termined to create a world of people who, though finite, would havepersonalities that reflected the Son. Being conformed to the Son, people could then share in the blessed holiness and joy of the Trin-ity’s family life. God created Adam in His own image, and Eve from Adam. Fromthem came the entire human family so that mankind might havecovenantal fellowship with God. As a two-person family, our firstparents reverently worshiped God as He walked with them in thegarden of Eden (Gen. 3:8). Adam disobeyed God, however, turning the joy of worship andfellowship with God into fear, dread, guilt, and alienation. As ourrepresentative, Adam severed the relationship between the family ofGod and the family of mankind. But God’s purpose could not bethwarted. While they yet stood before Him in Paradise, God held4forth a new covenant, the covenant of grace, and told Adam and Eveabout His Son, who as the Seed of the woman would break thepower of Satan over them, and secure to them the blessings of thiscovenant of grace (Gen. 3:15). Through Christ’s obedience to the lawand His sacrifice for sin, God opened the way to save sinners whilesatisfying His perfect justice. The Lamb would be slain on Golgothato take away the sin of the world, so that poor sinners like us couldbe restored to our true purpose: to glorify, worship, and have fel-lowship with the triune God. As I John 1:3 says, “Truly our fellow-ship is with the Father, and with his Son Jesus Christ.”God deals with the human race through covenant and headship, or representation. In daily life, parents represent children, a fatherrepresents his wife and children, church officebearers representchurch members, and legislators represent citizens. In spiritual life, every person is represented by either the first or the last Adam (seeRomans 5 and 1 Corinthians 15). This principle of representationsurfaces everywhere in Scripture. For example, we read of the godlyline of Seth, and of Noah and Job offering sacrifices on their chil-dren’s behalf (Gen. 8:20-21; Job 1:5). God organized the human racethrough families and tribes, and dealt largely with them through theheadship of the father. As God said to Abraham, “In thee shall allfamilies of the earth be blessed” (Gen. 12:3). The Mosaic economy continued the principle of the father rep-resenting the family in worship and fellowship with God. The bookof Numbers particularly focuses on God’s dealing with His people interms of families and their heads. The father was to lead the familyin Passover worship and instruct his children in its meaning. The father’s leadership role in worship continued throughoutthe monarchy in Israel and in the days of the Old Testamentprophets. For example, Zechariah predicted that as the Holy Spiritwas poured out in a future age, the people would experience Him asthe Spirit of grace and supplication, moving them, family by family, to bitter and heartfelt lamentation. Particular families are named ac-cording to their heads and fathers, the house of David, of Levi, andof Shimei (Zech. 12:10-14). The relationship between worship and family life continued inNew Testament times. Peter reaffirmed the promise to Abraham, thefather of the faithful (Rom. 4:11), when he declared to the Jews in hisPentecost sermon that “the promise is unto you and to your chil-5dren, and to all that are afar off” (Acts 2:39). And Paul tells us in1 Corinthians 7:14 that the faith of a parent establishes the covenantstatus of holiness, privilege, and responsibility for his or her chil-dren. The New Testament church, which included children withtheir parents as members of the body (Eph. 6:1-4), and the experi-ence of individual believers such as Timothy (2 Tim. 1:5,3:15), affirmthe importance of faith and worship within families. As Douglas Kelly concludes, “Family religion, which dependsnot a little on the household head daily leading the family beforeGod in worship, is one of the most powerful structures that thecovenant-keeping God has given for the expansion of redemptionthrough the generations, so that countless multitudes may bebrought into communion with and worship” of the living God in theface of Jesus Christ. 26CHAPTER TWO————Duty of Family WorshipGiven the importance of family worship as a potent force in winninguntold millions to gospel truth throughout the ages, we ought notbe surprised that God requires heads of households do all they canto lead their families in worshiping the living God. Joshua 24:14-15says, “Now therefore fear the LORD, and serve him in sincerity andin truth: and put away the gods which your fathers served on theother side of the flood, and in Egypt; and serve ye the LORD. Andif it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this daywhom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers servedthat were on the other side of the flood [i. e. back in Ur of Chaldees], or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell [i. e. here inCanaan]: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”Notice three things in this text: First, Joshua did not make wor-ship or service to the living God optional. In verse 14, he has justcommanded Israel to fear the Lord. In verse 15 he now stresses thatthe Lord wills to be worshiped and served voluntarily and deliber-ately in our families. Second, in verse 15, Joshua enforces the service of God in fami-lies with his own example. Verse 1 makes plain that he is addressingthe heads of households. Verse 15 declares that Joshua is going to dowhat he wants every other household in Israel to do: “serve theLORD.” Joshua has such command over his family that he speaksfor the entire household: “as for me and my house, we will serve theLORD,” he says. Several factors reinforce this bold declaration: When Joshua makes this declaration, he is more than 100years old. He has remarkable zeal as an aged man. Joshua knows that his direct control over his family will soonend. God has told him he will soon die. Yet Joshua is confi-dent that his influence will continue in his family and thatthey will not abandon worship after he dies. Joshua knows that much idolatry remains in Israel. He has7just told the people to put away false gods (v. 14). He knowshis family will be swimming against the stream in continuingto serve the Lord—yet he emphatically declares that his fam-ily will do that anyway. The historical record shows that Joshua’s influence was sopervasive that most of the nation followed his example for atleast one generation. Joshua 24:31 says, “And Israel servedthe LORD all the days of Joshua, and all the days of the eld-ers that overlived Joshua [i. e. for the next generation], andwhich had known all the works of the LORD, that he haddone for Israel.” What an encouragement to God-fearingparents to know that the worship they set up in the homemay last generations after them! Third, the word serve in verse 15 is an inclusive word. It is trans-lated as worship many times in Scripture. The original word not onlyincludes serving God in every sphere of our lives, but also in specialacts of worship. Those who interpret Joshua’s words in vague, am-biguous terms miss that critical teaching. Joshua had several thingsin mind, including obedience to all the ceremonial laws involving thesacrificing of animals and pointing to the coming Messiah, whoseblood sacrifice would be effectual for sinners, once and for all. 3Surely every God-fearing husband, father, and pastor must saywith Joshua: “As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord. We will seek the Lord, worship Him, and pray to Him as a family. Wewill read His Word, replete with instructions, and reinforce its teach-ings in our family.” Every representative father must realize, as Kellysays, “The representative principle inherent in God’s covenant deal-ings with our race indicates that the head of each family is to repre-sent his family before God in divine worship and that the spiritualatmosphere and long term personal welfare of that family will be af-fected in large measure by the fidelity—or failure—of the familyhead in this area.”4According to Scripture, God should be served in special acts ofworship in families today in the following three ways: (1) Daily instruction in the Word of God. God should be worshipedby daily reading and instruction from His Word. Through questions, answers, and instructions, parents and children are to daily interactwith each other about sacred truth. As Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says, 8“And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thineheart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, andshalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thouwalkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou ris-est up” (cf. Deut. 11:18-19). The activities this text commands are daily activities that accom-pany lying down at night, rising up in the morning, sitting in thehouse, and walking by the way. In an orderly home, these activitiesare done at specific times of the day. They offer opportunities forregular, consistent, and daily times of instruction. Moses wasn’t sug-gesting a little talk, but diligent conversation and diligent instructionthat flow from the burning heart of a parent. Moses says that wordsfrom God should be in a father’s heart. Fathers must diligently teachthese words to their children. A parallel text in the New Testament is Ephesians 6:4, “And, ye fa-thers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in thenurture and admonition [i. e. instruction] of the Lord.” When fatherscannot fulfil this duty in person, they should encourage their wivesto carry out this precept. For example, Timothy benefited greatlyfrom the daily instruction of a God-fearing mother and a God-fear-ing grandmother. (2) Daily prayer to the throne of God. Jeremiah 10:25 says, “Pour outthy fury upon the heathen that know thee not, and upon the fami-lies that call not on thy name.” While it is true that in the context ofJeremiah 10:25, the word families refers to clans, this word also ap-plies to individual families. We may reason from larger units tosmaller units. If God’s wrath falls upon clans or groups of familiesthat neglect communal prayer, how much more will not His wrathfall upon individual families that refuse to call on His name? All fam-ilies must call upon God’s name or else subject themselves to the dis-pleasure of God. Families must daily pray together unless providentially hin-dered. Consider Psalm 128:3, “Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine bythe sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round aboutthy table.” Families eat and drink the daily provision of a graciousGod at their tables. To do that in a Christian way, a family must fol-low 1 Timothy 4:4-5, “For every creature of God is good, and noth-ing to be refused, if it be received with thanksgiving: for it is9sanctified by the word of God and prayer.” If you want to eat anddrink to the glory of God (1 Cor. 10:31), and the food you are aboutto eat is to be set apart for that purpose, you must sanctify it byprayer, Paul says. And just as we pray the food and drink may besanctified and blessed to the nourishment of our bodies, so weshould pray for God’s blessing of His Word to the nourishment ofour souls. “Man shall not live by bread alone but by every word thatproceedeth from the mouth of God” (Deut. 8:3; Matt. 4:4). Furthermore, don’t families commit daily sins? Shouldn’t theydaily seek forgiveness? Does not God bless them in many waysevery day? Should not these blessings be acknowledged with dailythanksgiving? Shouldn’t they daily acknowledge God in all theirways, begging Him to direct their paths? Shouldn’t they daily com-mend themselves to His care and protection? As Thomas Brookssaid, “A family without prayer is like a house without a roof, openand exposed to all the storms of heaven.”(3) Daily singing the praise of God. Psalm 118:15 says, “The voice ofrejoicing and salvation is in the tabernacles of the righteous: theright hand of the LORD doeth valiantly.” That is a clear reference tosinging. The psalmist says this sound is (not simply ought to be) in thetents of the righteous. Philip Henry, father of the famed MatthewHenry, believed this text provided a biblical basis for the singing ofpsalms in families. He argued that joyful singing comes from the in-dividual tents of the righteous. It involves family singing as well astemple singing. Therefore, the sound of rejoicing and salvationshould rise from family homes on a daily basis. Psalm 66:1-2 speaks similarly, “Make a joyful noise unto God, allye lands: Sing forth the honour of his name: make his praise glori-ous.” Here the duty of praising God in song is laid upon all lands, allnations, all families, all persons. Secondly, our songs are to be thepsalms given by inspiration of God which show forth the honor ofHis Name—the verb “sing forth” (zamar) being the root of the word“psalm” (mizmor), and elsewhere translated, “sing psalms” (Ps. 105:2; cf. Jas. 5:13). Thirdly, we are to praise Him in a worthy manner, witha loud voice (2 Chron. 20:19), and with grace in the heart (Col. 3:16), so making His praise glorious. The Lord is to be worshiped daily by the singing of psalms. God isglorified, and families are edified. Because these songs are God’s Word, singing them is a means of instruction, enlightening the understand-10ing. Singing promotes devotion as it warms the heart. The graces ofthe Spirit are stirred up in us, and our growth in grace is stimulated. “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teachingand admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritualsongs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord” (Col 3:16). Heads of households, we must implement family worship in thehome. God requires that we worship Him not only privately as in-dividuals, but publicly as members of the covenant body and com-munity, and socially, as families. The Lord Jesus is worthy of it, God’sWord commands it, and conscience affirms it as our duty. Our families owe their allegiance to God. God has placed us in aposition of authority to guide our children in the way of the Lord. We are more than friends and advisors to our children; as theirteacher and ruler in the home, our example and leadership are cru-cial. Clothed with holy authority, we owe to our children propheti-cal teaching, priestly intercession, and royal guidance (seeHeidelberg Catechism, Q. 32). We must direct family worship byway of Scripture, prayer, and song. 5Those of us who are pastors, must lovingly inform the heads offamilies in our churches that they must command their household toworship God as Abraham did. “For I know him,” God said, “that hewill command his children and his household after him, and they shallkeep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that theLORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him”(Gen. 18:19). 11CHAPTER THREE————Implementing Family WorshipHere are some suggestions to help you establish God-honoring fam-ily worship in your homes. We trust this avoids two extremes: anidealistic approach that is beyond the reach of even the most God-fearing home, and a minimalist approach that abandons daily fam-ily worship because the ideal seems so out of reach. Prepare for Family WorshipEven before family worship begins, we should privately pray forGod’s blessing upon that worship. Then we should plan for thewhat, where, and when of family worship. 1. What. Generally speaking, this includes instruction in the Word ofGod, prayer before the throne of God, and singing to the glory of God. But we need to determine more of the specifics of family worship. First, have Bibles and copies of The Psalter and song sheets for allthe children who can read. For children who are too young to read, read a few verses from Scripture and select one text to memorize asa family. Say it aloud together several times as a family, then rein-force that with a short Bible story to illustrate the text. Take time toteach a stanza or two of a Psalter selection to such children, and en-courage them to sing with you. For young children, try using Truths of God’s Word, which has aguide for teachers and parents that illustrates each doctrine. For chil-dren in grade four and up, try James W. Beeke’s Bible Doctrine serieswith accompanying teachers’ guides. In any case, explain what youhave read to your children, and ask them a question or two. Thensing one or two psalms and a sound hymn or a good chorus like“Dare to be a Daniel.” Close with prayer. For older children, read a passage from Scripture, memorize ittogether, then apply a proverb. Ask questions about how to applythose verses to daily life, or perhaps read a portion from the gospelsand its corresponding section in J. C. Ryle’s Expository Thoughts on the12Gospels. Ryle is simple yet profound. His clear points help generatediscussion. Perhaps you’d like to read parts of an inspirationalbiography. Don’t let the reading of edifying literature replace Bible-reading or its application, however. John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress or Holy War, or daily medita-tions by Charles Spurgeon are appropriate for more spirituallyminded children. Older children will also benefit from William Jay’sMorning and Evening Exercises, William Mason’s Spiritual Treasury, and Robert Hawker’s Poor Man’s Morning and Evening Portions. Afterthose readings, sing a few familiar psalms and perhaps learn a newone before closing with prayer. Use should also be made of the creeds and confessions of thechurch. Young children should be taught to say the Apostles’ Creedand the Lord’s Prayer. If you adhere to the Westminster standards, have your children memorize the Shorter Catechism over time. Ifthe Heidelberg Catechism is preached in your congregation, read onSabbath mornings the Lord’s Day of the Catechism from which theminister will be preaching at church. If you have The Psalter, occa-sional use can be made of the forms of devotion found in ChristianPrayers. 6 Using these forms at home will afford opportunity for youand your children to learn to use such forms in an edifying and prof-itable manner, a skill which will stand you all in good stead when theliturgical forms are used as part of public worship. 2. Where. Family worship may be held around the supper table; how-ever, it might be better to move to the living room, where there arefewer distractions. Whatever room you select, make sure it containsall of your devotional materials. Before you start, take the phone offthe hook, or plan to let your answering machine or voice mail takemessages. Your children must understand that family worship is themost important activity of the day and should not be interrupted byanything. 3. When. Ideally, family worship should be conducted twice a day, inthe morning and in the evening. That fits best with scriptural direc-tions for worship—both the Old Testament economy in which thebeginning and close of each day were sanctified by the offering ofmorning and evening sacrifices as well as morning and eveningprayers, and the New Testament church which apparently followed13the pattern of morning and evening prayers. The Westminster Direc-tory of Worship states, “Family worship, which ought to be performedby every family, ordinarily morning and evening, consists in prayer, read-ing the Scriptures, and singing praises.”7For some families, family worship is scarcely possible more thanonce a day, after the evening meal. Either way, heads of householdsmust be sensitive to the family schedule and keep everyone in-volved. Practice the principle of Matthew 6:33 (“Seek ye first thekingdom of God, and his righteousness”) in establishing a familyschedule. Carefully guard this time of family worship. If you know aheadof time that the normal time will not be suitable on a certain day, reschedule worship time. Don’t skip it, however; that can becomehabitual. When you can keep to your appointed times, plan carefullyand prepare beforehand to make every minute count. Fight everyenemy of family worship. During Family WorshipDuring family worship, aim for the following: 1. Brevity. As Richard Cecil said, “Let family worship be short, savory, simple, tender, heavenly.” Family worship that is too long makeschildren restless and may provoke them to wrath. If you worship twice a day, try ten minutes in the morning anda little longer in the evening. A twenty-five minute period of familyworship might be divided as follows: ten minutes for Scripture read-ing and instruction; five minutes for reading a daily portion or anedifying book or discussing some concern in a biblical light; fiveminutes for singing; and five minutes for prayer. 2. Consistency. It is better to have twenty minutes of family worshipevery day than to try for extended periods on fewer days—say forty-five minutes on Monday, then skipping Tuesday. Family worshipprovides us “the manna which falls every day at the door of the tent, that our souls are kept alive,” wrote James W. Alexander in his excel-lent book on family worship. 8Don’t indulge excuses to avoid family worship. If you lost yourtemper at a child a half-hour before family worship time, don’t say: It’s hypocritical for me to lead family worship, so we’ll skip it14tonight. You don’t need to run from God at such times. Rather, youmust return to God like the penitent publican. Begin worship timeby asking everyone who witnessed your loss of temper to forgiveyou, then pray to God for forgiveness. Children will respect you forthat. They will tolerate weaknesses and even sins in their parents solong as the parents confess their wrongdoings and earnestly seek tofollow the Lord. They and you know that the Old Testament highpriest was not disqualified for being a sinner but had first to offersacrifice for himself before he could offer sacrifices for the people’ssins. Neither are you and I disqualified today for confessed sin, forour sufficiency lies in Christ, not in ourselves. As A. W. Pink said, “Itis not the sins of a Christian, but his unconfessed sins, which chokethe channel of blessing and cause so many to miss God’s best.”9Lead family worship with a firm, fatherly hand and a soft, peni-tent heart. Even when you’re bone-weary after a day’s work, prayfor strength to carry out your fatherly duty. Remember that ChristJesus went to the cross for you bone-weary and exhausted but nevershrunk from His mission. As you deny yourself, you will see how Hestrengthens you during family worship, so that by the time you fin-ish, your exhaustion is overcome. 3. Hopeful solemnity. “Rejoice with trembling before the Lord,” Psalm 2tells us. We need to show this balance of hope and awe, fear andfaith, repentance and confidence in family worship. Speak naturallyyet reverently during this time, using the tone you would use whenspeaking to a deeply respected friend about a serious matter. Expectgreat things from a great covenant-keeping God. Let’s get more specific: 1. For the reading of ScriptureHave a plan. Read ten or twenty verses from the Old Testa-ment in the morning and ten to twenty from the NewTestament in the evening. Or read a series of parables, mira-cles, or biographical portions. For example, read 1 Kings 17 to2 Kings 2 to study the prophet Elijah. Or follow a themethroughout Scripture. Wouldn’t it be interesting, for exam-ple, to read the so-called “night scenes”—all the histories inScripture that take place at night? Or to read portions ofScripture that follow Christ’s sufferings from His circumci-15sion to His burial? Or to read a series of selections that high-light various attributes of God? Just be sure to read the entireBible over a period of time. As J. C. Ryle said, “Fill their mindswith Scripture. Let the Word dwell in them richly. Give themthe Bible, the whole Bible, even while they are young.”10Account for special occasions. On Sunday mornings you mightwant to read Psalm 48,63, 84,92, 118, or John 20. On the Sab-bath when the Lord’s Supper is to be administered, readPsalm 22, Isaiah 53, Matthew 26, or part of John 6. Before youleave home for family vacations, gather your family in theliving room and read Psalm 91 or Psalm 121. When someonein the family is sick, read John 11. When someone is greatlydistressed by a prolonged trial, read Isaiah 40-66. When a be-liever is dying, read Revelation 7,21, and 22. Involve the family. Every family member who can read shouldhave a Bible to follow along. Set the tone by reading Scrip-ture with expression, as the living, “breathing” book it is. As-sign various portions to be read by your wife and yourchildren—including preschool children who cannot yetread. Take your 4-year-old on your lap and whisper a fewwords at a time into the child’s ear, and ask the child to repeatthem aloud. One or two verses “read” in this manner is suffi-cient for a preschooler to feel included in the family Bible-reading. Older children could read four or five verses each, oryou could assign the full reading to one child each day. Teach your children how to read articulately and with ex-pression. Don’t let them mumble or speed ahead. Teachthem to read with reverence. Provide a brief word of expla-nation throughout the reading, according to the needs of theyounger children. Encourage private Bible reading and study. Be sure that you andyour children close the day with the Word of God. You mightfollow Robert Murray M‘Cheyne’s Calendar for Bible Readingsso that your children read the Bible on their own once eachyear. Help each child build a personal library of Bible-basedbooks. 2. For biblical instructionBe plain in meaning. Ask your children if they understand16what you are reading. Be plain in applying scriptural texts. The 1647 Church of Scotland Directory provides counselhere: The holy scriptures should be read ordinarily to the family; andit is commendable, that thereafter they confer, and by way ofconference, make some good use of what hath been read andheard. As, for example, if any sin be reproved in the word read, use may be made thereof to make all the family circumspectand watchful against the same; or if any judgment be threat-ened or mentioned to have been inflicted, in that portion ofscripture which is read, use may be made to make all the fam-ily fear lest the same or a worse judgment befall them, unlessthey beware of the sin that procured it: and finally, if any dutybe required, or comfort held forth in a promise, use may bemade to stir up themselves to employ Christ for strength to en-able them for doing the commanded duty, and to apply the of-fered comfort. In all which the master of the family is to havethe chief hand; and any member of the family may propose aquestion or doubt for resolution (par. III). 11Encourage family dialogue around God’s Word in line withthe Hebraic procedure of household question and answer(cf. Ex. 12; Deut. 6; Ps. 78). Especially encourage teenagers toask questions; draw them out. If you don’t know the an-swers, tell them so, and encourage them to search for an-swers. Have one or more good commentaries on hand, suchas those by John Calvin, Matthew Poole, and MatthewHenry. Remember, if you don’t provide answers for yourchildren, they will get them elsewhere—and often those willbe wrong answers. Be pure in doctrine. Titus 2:7 says, “In all things showing thy-self a pattern of good works: in doctrine showing uncor-ruptness, gravity, sincerity.” Don’t abandon doctrinalprecision when teaching young children; aim for simplicityand soundness. Be relevant in application. Don’t be afraid to share your experi-ences when appropriate, but do that simply. Use concrete il-lustrations. Ideally, tie together biblical instruction with whatyou recently heard in sermons. Be affectionate in manner. Proverbs continually uses the phrase“my son,” showing the warmth, love, and urgency in the17teachings of a God-fearing father. When you must adminis-ter the wounds of a father-friend to your children, do thatwith heartfelt love. Tell them you must convey the wholecounsel of God because you can’t bear the thought of spend-ing eternity apart from them. My father often said to us, withtears: “Children, I cannot miss any of you in heaven.” Tellyour children: “We will allow you every privilege an openBible will allow us to give you—but if we say no to you, youmust know that flows out of our love.” As Ryle said: “Love isone grand secret of successful training. Soul love is the soulof all love.”12Require attention. Proverbs 4:1 says, “Hear, ye children, the in-struction of a father, and attend to know understanding.” Fa-thers and mothers have important truths to convey. Youmust demand a hearing for God’s truths in your home. Thatmay involve repeated statements at the beginning like these: “Sit up, son, and look at me when I’m talking. We’re talkingabout God’s Word, and God deserves to be heard.” Don’tallow children to leave their seats during family worship. 3. For prayingBe short. With few exceptions, don’t pray for more than fiveminutes. Tedious prayers do more harm than good. Don’t teach in your prayer; God doesn’t need the instruc-tion. Teach with your eyes open; pray with your eyes shut. Be simple without being shallow. Pray for things that your chil-dren know something about, but don’t allow your prayers tobecome trivial. Don’t reduce your prayers to self-centered, shallow petitions. Be direct. Spread your needs before God, plead your case, andask for mercy. Name your teenagers and children and theirneeds one by one on a daily basis. That holds tremendousweight with them. Be natural yet solemn. Speak clearly and reverently. Don’t usean unnatural, high-pitched voice or a monotone. Don’t praytoo loudly or softly, too fast or slow. Be varied. Don’t pray the same thing every day; that becomesmonotonous. Develop more variety in prayer by rememberingand stressing the various ingredients of true prayer, such as: 18Invocation, adoration, and dependence. Begin by mentioningone or two titles or attributes of God, such as, “Gracious andholy Lord….” To that add a declaration of your desire toworship God and your dependence upon Him for His assis-tance in prayer. For example, say: “We bow humbly in Thypresence—Thou who art worthy to be worshiped, prayingthat our souls may be lifted up to Thee. Assist us by ThySpirit. Help us to call upon Thy Name by Jesus Christ, inwhom alone we can approach to Thee.”Confession for family sins. Confess the depravity of our na-ture, then actual sins—especially daily sins and family sins. Recognize the punishment we deserve at the hands of a holyGod, and ask God to forgive all your sins for Christ’s sake. Petition for family mercies. Ask God to deliver us from sinand evil. You might say, “O Lord, forgive our sins throughThy Son. Subdue our iniquities by Thy Spirit. Deliver usfrom the natural darkness of our own minds and the cor-ruption of our own hearts. Free us from the temptations towhich we were exposed today.”Ask God for temporal and spiritual good. Pray for Hisprovision for every need in daily life. Pray for spiritual bless-ings. Pray that your souls are prepared for eternity. Remember family needs, and intercede for family friends. Remember to pray in all these petitions that God’s will bedone. But don’t allow that subjection to God’s will stop youfrom pleading with God. Plead with Him to hear your peti-tions. Plead for everyone in your family as they travel toeternity. Plead for them on the basis of God’s mercy, Hiscovenant relation with you, and upon the sacrifice of Christ. Thanksgiving as a family. Thank the Lord for food anddrink, providential mercies, spiritual opportunities, an-swered prayers, returned health, and deliverance from evil. Confess, “It is of Thy mercies that we are not consumed asfamily.” Remember Question 116 of the Heidelberg Cate-chism, which says, “God will give His grace and Holy Spiritto those only, who with sincere desires continually ask themof Him, and are thankful for them.”13Conclusion. Bless God for who He is and for what He hasdone. Ask that His kingdom, power, and glory be forever dis-19played. Then conclude with “Amen,” which means “certainlyit shall be so.”Matthew Henry said that the morning family worship isespecially a time of praise and of petition for strength for theday and for divine benediction on its activities. The eveningworship should focus on thankfulness, penitent reflections, and humble supplications for the night. 144. For singingSing doctrinally pure songs. There is no excuse for singing doc-trinal error no matter how attractive the tune might be. Sing psalms first and foremost without neglecting sound hymns. Remember that the Psalms, called by Calvin “an anatomy ofall parts of the soul,” are the richest gold mine of deep, liv-ing, experiential scriptural piety available to us still today. Sing simple psalms, if you have young children. In choosingPsalms to sing, look for songs that children can easily master, and songs of particular importance for them to know. Choose songs that express the spiritual needs of your chil-dren for repentance, faith, and renewal of heart and life; songs that reveal God’s love for His people, and the love ofChrist for the lambs of His flock; or that remind them of theircovenant privileges and duty. The words should be simpleand plain, and the tune easy to sing. For example, in ThePsalter see No. 53, “The Lord’s My Shepherd, I’ll Not Want.”The text is simple enough for any child who has learned totalk; there are only three words of more than two syllables(righteousness, overflows, forevermore). Words such asrighteousness, goodness, and mercy should be pointed outand explained before hand. Don’t forget to begin by tellingthe children that a shepherd is someone who takes care ofthe sheep he owns and loves! It is unwise to assume thatsuch things are plain enough in themselves. 15Sing heartily and with feeling. As Colossians 3:23 says, “Andwhatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not untomen.” Meditate on the words you are singing. On occasiondiscuss a phrase that is sung. 20After Family WorshipAs you retire for the night, pray for God’s blessing on family wor-ship: “Lord, use the instruction to save our children and to causethem to grow in grace that they might put their hope in Thee. Useour praise of Thy name in song to endear Thy name, Thy Son, andThy Spirit to their never-dying souls. Use our stammering prayers tobring our children to repentance. Lord Jesus Christ, breathe uponour family during this time of worship with Thy Word and Spirit. Make these life-giving times.”21CHAPTER FOUR————Objections Against Family WorshipSome people object to regular times of family worship, citing thesereasons: There is no explicit command in the Bible to have family worship. Though there is no explicit command, the texts cited earliermake clear that God would have families worship Him daily. Our family doesn’t have time for this. If you have time for recre-ations and pleasures but no time for family worship, thinkabout 2 Timothy 3:4-5, which warns about people who lovepleasures more than God; they have a form of godliness, butdeny the power of it. Time taken from family activity andbusiness to seek God’s blessing is never wasted. If we takeGod’s Word seriously, we will say: “I can’t afford not to giveGod and His Word priority in my family.” Samuel Daviesonce said: “Were you formed for this world only, therewould be some force in this objection, but how strange doessuch an objection sound coming from an heir of eternity! Pray, what is your time given to you for? Is it not principallythat you may prepare for eternity? And have you no time forwhat is the greatest business of your lives?”16There is no regular time when all of us can be together. If you haveconflicting schedules—particularly when older children arein college—you should do the best you can. Don’t cancelfamily worship if some children are not home. Have familyworship when most family members are present. If conflictsin scheduling arise, change or cancel the activity that threat-ens worship, if possible. Family worship should be a non-negotiable event. Busi-ness, hobbies, sports, and school activities are secondary tofamily worship. Our family is too small. Richard Baxter said that to form a fam-ily, you only need one who governs and one who is gov-22erned. You only need two for family worship. As Jesus said, “Where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them” (Matt. 18:20). Our family is too diverse for everyone to profit. Have a plan thatcovers all ages. Read a few minutes from a Bible story bookfor the little ones, apply a proverb for the older ones, andread a page or two from a book for teens. A wise plan canovercome any diversity of age. Besides, this variation in children only directly affectsabout a third of family worship; it doesn’t affect praying andsinging. All age groups can sing and pray together. Then, too, remember that biblical instruction doesn’t have to di-rectly apply to everyone present. As you teach older teens, little children are learning to sit still. Don’t continue discus-sion too long, however, or you’ll lose everyone’s interest. Ifthe teens want to go on, resume discussion after you close inprayer and dismiss the younger ones. Likewise, while you’re teaching younger children, olderteenagers are listening in. They’re also learning by examplehow to teach younger children. When they marry and havechildren, they will remember how you led family worship. I’m not good at leading our family in worship. Here are a few sug-gestions. First, read a book or two on family worship, such asthose written by James W. Alexander, Matthew Henry, JohnHowe, George Whitefield, Douglas Kelly, and Jerry Mar-cellino. 17 Make good use of Terry L. Johnson’s The FamilyWorship Book: A Resource Book for Family Devotions. 18 Second, ask for guidance from God-fearing pastors and fathers. Askif they can visit your home and either show you how to leadfamily worship, or observe how you do it and make sugges-tions. Third, start simply. I trust you are already readingScripture and praying together. If not, begin to do so. If youare reading and praying together, add one or two questionson the portion read and sing a few psalms or hymns. Add aminute or two each week until you are up to twenty minutes. Your skill will increase with practice. As George White-field said: “Where the heart is rightly disposed, it doth not23demand any uncommon abilities to discharge family wor-ship in a decent and edifying manner.”19Most importantly, ask the Holy Spirit to show you how. Then, out of the abundance of the heart, your mouth willspeak. As Proverbs 16:23 says, “The heart of the wise teach-eth his mouth, and addeth learning to his lips.”Could it be that our real problem in family worship is notour inability to pray, read, and instruct so much as our lackof grasping the astounding promises and power God hasgiven us to shape His covenant children for His glory? Some of our family members won’t participate. There may behomes in which it is difficult to hold family worship. Suchcases are rare, however. If you have difficult children, followa simple rule: no Scripture, no singing, and no prayingmeans no food. Say, “In this house, we will serve the Lord. We all breathe, therefore every person in our home mustpraise the Lord.” Psalm 150:6 makes no such exception, evenfor unconverted children. It says, “Let every thing that hathbreath praise the LORD. Praise ye the LORD.”We don’t want to make hypocrites of our unconverted children. One sin doesn’t justify another. The mindset that offers thisobjection is dangerous. An unconverted person may neverplead an unconverted state to neglect duty. Don’t encourageyour children to use this excuse for avoiding family worship. Stress their need to use every means of grace. I can’t carry a tune. Encourage your children to learn to playthe piano or organ. Or put some psalms or hymns on a tape, type out the words of the tape, and work through the tapewith your family. The Reformers were strong on using music. Luther said, “He who does not find the gift and perfect wisdom of Godin His wonderful works of music, is truly a clod, and is notworthy to be considered a man.”2024CHAPTER FIVE————Motivations for Family WorshipEvery God-fearing father and mother should establish and maintainfamily worship in the home for the following reasons: The eternal welfare of your loved ones. God uses means to savesouls. Most commonly He uses the preaching of His Word. But He may also use family worship. Like the connection be-tween preaching and the salvation of souls in the congrega-tion, there is a connection between family worship and thesalvation of souls. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in theway he should go: and when he is old, he will not departfrom it.” That rule has been confirmed for centuries. Like-wise, Psalm 78:5-7 says, “For he established a testimony inJacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commandedour fathers, that they should make them [i. e. the praises ofthe Lord and His wonderful works] known to their children: that the generation to come might know them, even the chil-dren which should be born; who should arise and declarethem to their children.”We don’t know the secret will of God, but we do knowthat God binds Himself to the means. We are called to laborin hope, making diligent use of the means of family worship, that our children may not forget the works of God. By con-trast, if we leave our children to themselves, Scripture says, they will bring us to shame. The thought of children spend-ing eternity in hell must be overwhelming to any God-fear-ing parent. Imagine also facing eternity confessing that wehave not seriously labored for the souls of our children. Itwould be dreadful to confess: “I read the Bible to our chil-dren, but never talked to them about it; I prayed, but neverearnestly for their souls”! Spurgeon clearly remembered his mother tearfully pray-ing over him like this: “Lord, Thou knowest if these prayersare not answered in Charles’s conversion, these very prayers25will bear witness against him in the Judgment Day.” Spur-geon wrote: “The thought that my mother’s prayers wouldserve as witness against me in the day of judgment sent ter-ror into my heart.”Fathers, use every means to have your children snatchedas brands from the burning. Pray with them, teach them, sing with them, weep over them, admonish them, pleadwith them and upon their baptism. Remember that at everyfamily worship you are ushering your children into the verypresence of the Most High. Seek grace to bring down thebenediction of Almighty God upon your household. The satisfaction of a good conscience. Ryle said, “I charge you, fa-thers, take every pain to train your children in the way theyshould go. I charge you not merely for the sake of your chil-dren’s souls; I charge you for the sake of your own futurecomfort and peace. Truly your own happiness in great meas-ure depends on it. Children have caused the saddest tearsthat man has ever had to shed.”21 Such sorrows are heavyenough when fathers have faithfully discharged their dutyyet still live with a prodigal son or daughter. But who canbear the reproach of a stinging conscience that condemns usbecause we never brought them up in the fear of the Lord? What shame to have failed to take seriously the vow we ut-tered at our children’s baptism to raise our children in ourconfessional doctrines. How much better if we can say: “Son, we taught youGod’s Word; we wrestled for your soul; we lived a God-fear-ing example before you. You didn’t see in us a sinless pietybut an unfeigned faith. You know we sought first the king-dom of God and His righteousness. Your conscience willbear witness that Christ is the center of this home. We sangtogether, prayed together, and talked together. If you turnaway from this light and these privileges, and insist on goingyour own way, we can only pray that all your Bible study, praying, and singing will not rise up against you in theJudgment Day—and that you will come to your senses be-fore it is too late.”22As Ryle said, “Happy indeed is the father who can saywith Robert Bolton on his deathbed to his children: ‘I do be-26lieve that not one of you will dare to meet me at the tribunalof Christ in an unregenerate state.’”23 We must so live andconduct family worship that our children will not be able tosay, “I am being bound hand and foot, and being cast awayinto everlasting darkness because of your parental careless-ness, your hypocrisy, your complacency about the things ofGod. Father, mother, why weren’t you faithful to me?”Assistance in child-rearing. Family worship helps promotefamily harmony in times of affliction, sickness, and death. Itoffers greater knowledge of the Scriptures and growth inpersonal piety both for yourself and your children. It nur-tures wisdom in how to face life, openness to speak aboutmeaningful questions, and a closer relationship between fa-ther and children. Strong bonds established in family wor-ship in early years may be a great help to teens in years tocome. These teens may be spared from much sin when re-calling family prayers and worship. In times of temptation, they may say: “How can I offend a father who daily wrestleswith God on my behalf?”J. W. Alexander advised: “Let your child enter upon ado-lescence and all your cords will prove like a spider’s web un-less you shall have maintained your influence upon them bythe daily growing bond of family religion. Look around youamong families professing faith in Christ, and observe thedifference between those who worship God and those whoworship Him not; and then, as you love your offspring, andas you would save them from the rebellion of Hophni andPhinehas, set up the worship of God in your house.”24The shortness of time. “For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away”(James 4:14). Daily training is only for a mere twenty years orless, and even those years are not guaranteed. We ought toconduct family worship in the awareness of how brief life isin terms of never-ending eternity. Children will sense this re-ality if family worship is done with earnestness, love, warmth, and consistency. Love for God and His church. Godly parents want to glorifyGod and serve His church. They want to give the church27spiritually stalwart sons and daughters. Pray that your sonsand daughters may be pillars in the church. Blessed are theparents who can one day see among the crowd of wor-shipers their own sons and daughters. Family worship is thefoundation of such a future. We as heads of households are accountable for the spiritual up-bringing of our families. We must do everything that we can to es-tablish and maintain family worship in our homes. We have been given biblical examples of family worship—willwe not follow them? Has God placed in our homes the souls of crea-tures made in His image, and will we not use all of our abilities to seeour children bow in worship before God and His Son, Jesus Christ? Will we not strive to promote the Christ-centered piety in our homethat family worship is so well-suited to promote? Will we trifle with thespiritual nurture, yes, with the eternity of our own family members? Regular family worship will make our homes a more blessed placeto live. It will make them more harmonious, more holy. It will helpthem honor God. As 1 Samuel 2:30 says, “Them that honour me I willhonour, and they that despise me shall be lightly esteemed.” Familyworship will give us peace. It will build up the church. So, along withJoshua, we must say, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. We will use the Word to teach our children; we will daily call upon HisName; we will sing His praise with humility and joy.”If your children are grown and out of our home, it is still not toolate to do the following: Pray for them. Pray that God may make crooked sticksstraight and bring good out of evil. Confess your sin to God and to your children. Give themsound literature on family worship. Speak to and pray with your grandchildren. Do for themwhat you didn’t do for your children. Begin family worship with your spouse. Follow the advice ofJames W. Alexander, “Fly at once, with your household, tothe throne of grace.”25Do not become discouraged and give up family worship, nomatter what happens. Start over afresh. Press forward. Berealistic. Don’t expect perfection from your efforts or yourchildren’s responses. All your perfection is in your great28High Priest, who intercedes for you and has promised to begracious to believers and their seed. Beg the Lord to bless your feeble efforts and save your chil-dren and grandchildren. Plead with Him to take them in Hisarms for all eternity. May God graciously grant His Spirit toassist you, for the good of souls, and for His name’s sake.